In a surprising twist to the unexpected growth and popularity of social networking sites such as Facebook and Myspace over the last decade, Facebook founder and president Mark Zuckerberg announced Tuesday that the “era of social networking” has finally come to an end after what Zuckerberg described as a “decade of wasted time.”
Over the last few years, more and more Americans have flocked to sites such as Facebook in order to keep in touch with long-lost friends, see vacation pictures posted by relatives, and spy on girls that they secretly like, but would never actually make a move on.
“I’m really just tired of it,” Zuckerberg explained. “Facebook used to be fun, but every time I try to make the site better, hundreds of people make ‘STOP NEW FACEBOOK’ groups. Literally hundreds. That gets on your nerves after a while. So it’s over. I’m done, which means so is social networking.” When asked what would happen to the other social networking sites, Zuckerberg replied with a blank stare. “What other social networking sites?” he asked.
Some Facebook users, however, are protesting the end of Facebook. As of this morning, at least fifty-seven “Save Social Networking!” Facebook group have been spotted, along with one “I Bet This Pickle Can Get More Fans Than a Social Networking Group” group.
Zuckerberg recently drafted a memo entitled “Why I Think You’re All Dumb F*cks” and sent it to all Facebook users via an old fashioned letter. When asked how he obtained millions of worldwide addresses, Zuckerberg replied, “How stupid do you think I am?” and proceeded to list off hundreds of matching names and social security numbers off the top of his head.
In other news, the US Postal Service has recorded its first profit in the last thirty years.